2003-11-20 - 8:50 p.m.

[ mood | indescribable ]

[ music | Creed, "Who's Got My Back" ]

BLAAAAAAARGH!!!

*pant pant*

This is one of those nights where I can't seem to do anything right.

I'm a forgetful, easily distracted man. Be it the antics of my daughter, my own fatigue, or some other less justifiable explanation (*cough*EverQuest*cough*), things just seemed to keep me from doing what I really should have been doing most of today.

Shannon and I got emotional. Her hormones clashed with my self-recrimination and it kind of blew up. I sat on our porch and thought. I thought and prayed and came to the realization that there is something about myself that hasn't changed, not since Jen was alive.

(Watch Your Step. This is a link to my LJ and some of what I say isn't necessarily pleasant. You've been warned.)

In other news, Ben stopped by today. He got the job! I'm thrilled, I was worried he'd be at home twiddling his thumbs, or bugging us constantly. Instead, he'll be gainfully employed and it sounds like he can make most of the Greensburg games. Speaking of...

"What happened happened and couldn't have happened any other way." ~ Morpheous

A lot of thoughts are in my head at the word my X will be at the game. I can brush away most of the unpleasant ones as random noise. When I get to the core of the matter, I find that it doesn't really matter who's there or why. We're all there to play and have fun. There's also the fact that there is an inevitability to it all. Is this evidence of predestiny? That there's a plan at work here somewhere? I don't know.

What I do know is I'm going down there, I'm playing, and I'm having a good time. It doesn't matter who I'm with or who will be there or not be there. It'll be a good time, not just for me, but for everyone.

Who knows what will happen? What will happen will happen.

Is that a Zen koan? It sounds like one. It's true, regardless.

Today is just evidence that the more things change, the more they remain the same.

"There are some things... that never change. And some things do." ~ Morpheous (again)

By the way, in case I haven't said it yet, Revolutions kicked ass, and I have a post on the FV board to prove it!

I can't think of a good way to end this entry. So it will simply end.

40 Lashes with a Wet Noodle!

(Link)